WHERE TO GET BETTER NIGERIAN WIVES: NIGERIA OR US/ABROAD?
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Nneka,Nneka wrote:
marriage is no joke. In marriage there are pros and cons.
Every marriage has a problem. When a man marries, he gains something
and when a woman marries she loses herself. A married man will not
change because he is married. A married woman will have to change. She
will get pregnant, she will have to be the one cooking and feeding the
kids, cleaning the house etc, she will have to be the one trying hard
to lose the baby fat to look attractive to her man. Married women do
double shift. We have two jobs- at work and at home. Men only have one.
I tell women that if you want to get married be ready to lose your
independence because that is exactly what will happen. If you are not
ready for that, then don't get married.
However, marriage can be a good thing. Both people can share life and
experiences together. They can take pride in raising their kids
together etc.
So there is my take.
your points about Nigerian men are well taken, and there is no doubt that far too many Naija guys need to change their evil ways. However, I must take issue with some of the things you have said above.
How can you say that "A ...man will not change because he is married" ? Your view seems to be that marriage only changes women, and this is patently untrue. Of course, there are some men who continue to visit nightclubs and bars hunting for women after they get married, men who still get drunk with their buddies almost every night, but such men are universally regarded as efulefus, irresponsible and incorrigible types who have somehow escaped the power of society's most efficient tamer of men, the institution of marriage.
Men too have to give something up when they get married--their swashbuckling, dissolute ways. You talk about losing independence as if this is some terribly shocking revelation about marriage. The truth is that giving up one's independence is the essence of marriage--marriage is about the interdependence of immediate family. This independence bullship is what causes many Western marriages to fall apart.
I have been married for 22 years, and I am dependent on my wife for bearing my children, and taking care of them most of the time. I met my wife in university here in Canada, and we both came of age at the height of the feminist era. We both believed the hype, and tried to implement feminist ideals in terms of doing everything "equally." It was an unmitigated disaster.
Our marriage got better and stronger as we slowly reverted to more "traditional" norms of family behaviour. I don't know about this men not doing double shift business. It seems to me that I am constantly working around the house doing this thing or another or fixing up this thing or the other; I drive everyone to work and to school every day, two hours on traffic congested roads, while my wife naps happily; everything car, na me dey do, and for one of my jalopys, there is something to do almost every day, it seems. Furthermore, I take my children to soccer and karate practice 5 days a week. So which one you dey about men only having one job?
What I find disturbing about your post is that it appears to be mimicking the educated Western woman's jaded attitude (abi na pose?) toward marriage. Nne, be careful. The educated women of the West have lost the plot. The key words in marriage are sacrifice and compromise for both parties. I assume you are still young. What Chief Ogbunigwe said is correct: if you do not discover the truth about marriage early, it is possible to leave it too late.
Why do people have to make topics like this a male versus female thing? It is really endemic. Each sex is always trying to prove they have to make all the sacrifices. Women worry about losing their independence and men worry about losing their freedom.
Truth is marriage is a classic example of lose to gain.......more. If you are not willing to sacrifice and be happy doing it man or woman then don't get married. As to where to get the "better" wife let me quote what someone said to me once; "the realm of love is bigger than the realm of race" (we were talking about interracial relationships at the time). But is goes without saying that the WHO is more essential than the WHERE. It is only when one fails at the WHO level that the WHERE takes on this inflated and exerggerated importance. That is the point of that article.
It is accepted knowledge that you have to sacrifice, give or expend something to get something. The primitive law of exchange and give and take is one of the underlying principles of marriage. You cannot reap without sowing. If you you sow YOURSELF into a fertile relationship with the right person the odds are you will get your reward. One of the reasons marriages fail is because people don't put in the amount of work they put into their jobs for instance (controversial I know). But come on, what do we expect from the half assed and grudging effort we approach our relationships with? How can we keep doing the same self obssesed things and expect any different?
As my father says "marriage is LIFE imprisonment. You can either serve it with love or with hard labor". In true independent fashion
8) my own version is that you WILL have to serve it WITH BOTH love AND hard labor.
Truth is marriage is a classic example of lose to gain.......more. If you are not willing to sacrifice and be happy doing it man or woman then don't get married. As to where to get the "better" wife let me quote what someone said to me once; "the realm of love is bigger than the realm of race" (we were talking about interracial relationships at the time). But is goes without saying that the WHO is more essential than the WHERE. It is only when one fails at the WHO level that the WHERE takes on this inflated and exerggerated importance. That is the point of that article.
It is accepted knowledge that you have to sacrifice, give or expend something to get something. The primitive law of exchange and give and take is one of the underlying principles of marriage. You cannot reap without sowing. If you you sow YOURSELF into a fertile relationship with the right person the odds are you will get your reward. One of the reasons marriages fail is because people don't put in the amount of work they put into their jobs for instance (controversial I know). But come on, what do we expect from the half assed and grudging effort we approach our relationships with? How can we keep doing the same self obssesed things and expect any different?
As my father says "marriage is LIFE imprisonment. You can either serve it with love or with hard labor". In true independent fashion
8) my own version is that you WILL have to serve it WITH BOTH love AND hard labor.
For many years upon this spot
You heard the sound of a merry bell
Those who were rash and those who were not
Lost and made a spot of cash
He who gave the game away
May he Brynn in hell and rue the day
Bryne V. Deane [1937]
Ohsee, I did not see your post before I posted but you are grounded on this issue. I get irritated by this feminist pose some women adopt about how they "lose" themselves and make all the sacrifices. Yet, they want someone to share their life with and love them unconditionally. They also want nice, healthy and well adjusted children. What is the disjointed logic that makes people think you can you can have all that and still be the same person they were before all those life changes (Man or Woman)?
Who is feeding people this lie that belies all natural principles? The first principle of economics is scarce resources juxtaposed against infinite wants. Following that closely is the principle of opportunity cost. Both taken in perspective mean you have to HAVE PRIORITIES and then sacrifice non-priorities for the former. Why do otherwise intelligent, EDUCATED and well adjusted people lose the plot when they have to apply their knowledge to real life?
Even God himself for all his love and power could not break His own rules for our own benefit. His son had to die for that purpose. Why have we filled our heads with this junk that we can have it all with minimal sacrifice at the most?
Who is feeding people this lie that belies all natural principles? The first principle of economics is scarce resources juxtaposed against infinite wants. Following that closely is the principle of opportunity cost. Both taken in perspective mean you have to HAVE PRIORITIES and then sacrifice non-priorities for the former. Why do otherwise intelligent, EDUCATED and well adjusted people lose the plot when they have to apply their knowledge to real life?
Even God himself for all his love and power could not break His own rules for our own benefit. His son had to die for that purpose. Why have we filled our heads with this junk that we can have it all with minimal sacrifice at the most?
For many years upon this spot
You heard the sound of a merry bell
Those who were rash and those who were not
Lost and made a spot of cash
He who gave the game away
May he Brynn in hell and rue the day
Bryne V. Deane [1937]
Well said Ohsee.... i see experience is not something u can buy off the shelf..... u got 2 pass thru it...... i've learnt from ur views..... thank u....ohsee wrote: Nneka,
your points about Nigerian men are well taken, and there is no doubt that far too many Naija guys need to change their evil ways. However, I must take issue with some of the things you have said above.
How can you say that "A ...man will not change because he is married" ? Your view seems to be that marriage only changes women, and this is patently untrue. Of course, there are some men who continue to visit nightclubs and bars hunting for women after they get married, men who still get drunk with their buddies almost every night, but such men are universally regarded as efulefus, irresponsible and incorrigible types who have somehow escaped the power of society's most efficient tamer of men, the institution of marriage.
Men too have to give something up when they get married--their swashbuckling, dissolute ways. You talk about losing independence as if this is some terribly shocking revelation about marriage. The truth is that giving up one's independence is the essence of marriage--marriage is about the interdependence of immediate family. This independence bullship is what causes many Western marriages to fall apart.
I have been married for 22 years, and I am dependent on my wife for bearing my children, and taking care of them most of the time. I met my wife in university here in Canada, and we both came of age at the height of the feminist era. We both believed the hype, and tried to implement feminist ideals in terms of doing everything "equally." It was an unmitigated disaster.
Our marriage got better and stronger as we slowly reverted to more "traditional" norms of family behaviour. I don't know about this men not doing double shift business. It seems to me that I am constantly working around the house doing this thing or another or fixing up this thing or the other; I drive everyone to work and to school every day, two hours on traffic congested roads, while my wife naps happily; everything car, na me dey do, and for one of my jalopys, there is something to do almost every day, it seems. Furthermore, I take my children to soccer and karate practice 5 days a week. So which one you dey about men only having one job?
What I find disturbing about your post is that it appears to be mimicking the educated Western woman's jaded attitude (abi na pose?) toward marriage. Nne, be careful. The educated women of the West have lost the plot. The key words in marriage are sacrifice and compromise for both parties. I assume you are still young. What Chief Ogbunigwe said is correct: if you do not discover the truth about marriage early, it is possible to leave it too late.
God is good to me and all who love and follow him.. Amazingly, he's also loving to all those who dont know him. What a mighty God he is!
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Cellular
- Site Admin
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You don't have to travel go back Naija to find an Ogbanje... dem full for every corner...
Bad things happen to Good pipul...
But di number one ting be say pipul don't fully understand the institution of marriage... E no dey easy... pay very close attention to the "for worse" part of the “for better of for worse”...
My generation (full) of impatient people who think say marriage na "Already Made"...should realize that it is twice as hard because women nowadays will not take half the crap our mothers took...
Bad things happen to Good pipul...
But di number one ting be say pipul don't fully understand the institution of marriage... E no dey easy... pay very close attention to the "for worse" part of the “for better of for worse”...
My generation (full) of impatient people who think say marriage na "Already Made"...should realize that it is twice as hard because women nowadays will not take half the crap our mothers took...
THERE WAS A COUNTRY...
...can't cry more than the bereaved!
Well done is better than well said!!!
...can't cry more than the bereaved!
Well done is better than well said!!!
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Chief Ogbunigwe
- Eaglet
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The baba that wrote that article is famous for lifting CE articles and posting them as his while using a pseudonym, so ....Kneedeep wrote:well said MI5. The funny thing is someone told me the baba that wrote the article is single (Can anyone confirm this?), I wonder if that is true, why he is not willing to settle down with any of these wonderful Naija women around him? Do as I say, but not as I do...........
Senseman.............
Anyway, Kneedeep and Ohsee:
I been think say I get sense before I jam u guys....much respect!
AFCON 2019 sweet o
Barren for 37 yrs no good o
New member and Titled Chief, Distant Gunners Consortium.
"This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water."
Barren for 37 yrs no good o
New member and Titled Chief, Distant Gunners Consortium.
"This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water."
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GREENWHITEGREEN
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