Erling Haaland

[Sleaky72]

Yeah Coach, but erm remember the Vikes eventually overran the island! Remember the Norseman (Normans) and the Battle of Hastings, William the Conqueror thrashing the Anglo Saxons?
Yeah careful with yer revisionism my friend. Us folks who grew up in the kingdom still remember the history. Yeah the Vikings won, eventually lol

[danfo driver]

Benched.

the guy is truly a poor footballer. I always knew it when he couldnt outscore people in Norway, Austria and Germany!

I am stunned that he came to England and became the best striker to ever ply in the EPL! destroying the league! i still cant believe it! can you?

Nna, I'm stunned old man Harry Kane has already destroyed that useless Bundesliga while prime Haaland never topped the charts.

Me, I am not suprised.

1. Harry Kane is a world class striker; and
2. The Bundesliga is a useless league.

P.s- Haaland is Norwegian and NOT German. Haaland is also useless and NEVER topped the charts in useless leagues like Norway, Austria and Germany... very poor leagues. He then came to England to become the best striker to ever play in England. Why? I am so surprised by this. Are you?

[Coach]

Nowt but tomfoolery. The Nords were lured into a false sense of confidence. Given land to till with their superior farming skills, wenches to wife and sire six foot Britons henceforth. But when it mattered most, our Fred, Al-Fred, one of our own. T.I.E, This Is England, not Oslo you dozy Northern b*stard!

[danfo driver]

Nowt but tomfoolery. The Nords were lured into a false sense of confidence. Given land to till with their superior farming skills, wenches to wife and sire six foot Britons henceforth. But when it mattered most, our Fred, Al-Fred, one of our own. T.I.E, This Is England, not Oslo you dozy Northern b*stard!

he is the best striker to ever grace your league! FACT!!

When it mattered most:

1. he won your league
2. broke all your goalscoring records
3. was named best player in your league!

[Sleaky72]

Nowt but tomfoolery. The Nords were lured into a false sense of confidence. Given land to till with their superior farming skills, wenches to wife and sire six foot Britons henceforth. But when it mattered most, our Fred, Al-Fred, one of our own. T.I.E, This Is England, not Oslo you dozy Northern b*stard!

Lol Coach I see you didn’t take many history classes or read up on things yourself. The Norman’s ended the Saxons? Yes or No?

No land, no wenches or silver stopped the men originally, from the North, from claiming the island

[Coach]

The Normans were a pick n mix of all sorts, Germanic barbarians, French, Dutch and once upon a time Vikings. Yes, the cocktail prevailed in 1066, bringing their genes to help our Suzy fill hers with curve and girth. And when our boys wanted our Britain back? Seven bells knocked out of those dozy mix breeds. Arise King Henry II. Long live the King.

Does the pattern seem familiar? Give them a season or two then reduce them to loyal subjects.

[Coach]

As for being the best ever after one season, the very same rhetoric has the five minute first timer, telling the deflowered Daisy beside him, “I’m the best you’ll ever have”. By the laws of the playground, absolutely. No further questions your Honour.

[Sleaky72]

The Normans were a pick n mix of all sorts, Germanic barbarians, French, Dutch and once upon a time Vikings. Yes, the cocktail prevailed in 1066, bringing their genes to help our Suzy fill hers with curve and girth. And when our boys wanted our Britain back? Seven bells knocked out of those dozy mix breeds. Arise King Henry II. Long live the King.

Does the pattern seem familiar? Give them a season or two then reduce them to loyal subjects.

Coach are you taking some tokes and hits from the open markets in London?
Henry had Norman blood in him for goodness sakes. Don’t get yer point my friend.
Putting it mildly and as simply as possible … the Vikings won lol.
FACTS don’t care about feelings

[danfo driver]

As for being the best ever after one season, the very same rhetoric has the five minute first timer, telling the deflowered Daisy beside him, “I’m the best you’ll ever have”. By the laws of the playground, absolutely. No further questions your Honour.

keep crying This is a fact and i am not the one who called him the best. The facts show that no other striker! NONE! Not even your gods, Alan Shearer, Gary Lineker, Iam Wright, Kevin Keegan, Wayne Rooney, Andy Cole, Teddy Sheringham, Michael Owen, harry Kane, Jimmy Greaves, Bobby Charlton or whichever Yorkshire Sh11t Pudding of a striker your country has had attained anything close to the season that the useless Haaland had when he conquered your country

His record in your country shows that he is the best striker (based on perfomance and fact) to ever play in your country.

[Coach]

William of Normandy was a distant relation of Rollo and hence can be traced to Vikingdom. How many generations had passed between the two? How diluted was the Viking bloodline? Billy was more French than anything else.

If one is to play the distant ancestry card, then it could be argued, the most rabid of pale skinned confederate flag slave traders was of African descent by the time the nth reduction is reached.

The last true Viking invasion was thwarted at Stamford Bridge. Ordinary Stamford Bridge where Wolverhampton Wanderers, Brentford and Notts Forest have prevailed. Harald Haaland, sorry Hardrada, King apparently, Viking through and through, flogged mercilessly.

T.I.E. This. Is. England.

[Sleaky72]

William of Normandy was a distant relation of Rollo and hence can be traced to Vikingdom. How many generations had passed between the two? How diluted was the Viking bloodline? Billy was more French than anything else.

If one is to play the distant ancestry card, then it could be argued, the most rabid of pale skinned confederate flag slave traders was of African descent by the time the nth reduction is reached.

The last true Viking invasion was thwarted at Stamford Bridge. Ordinary Stamford Bridge where Wolverhampton Wanderers, Brentford and Notts Forest have prevailed. Harald Haaland, sorry Hardrada, King apparently, Viking through and through, flogged mercilessly.

T.I.E. This. Is. England.

After all the revisionism of facts, the records still show that the Vikings came, saw and conquered

[Coach]

Revisionism? Hardly. A well worn topic of debate amongst Nordic historians. The distant relation to Rollo, King of Normandie has never been denounced. The “Vikingness” on the other hand, absolutely. Ethnoculturally, Billy the B*stard was/is French. Once upon a time the Normans were pure breeds, by Bill’s time the Viking blood was thoroughly diluted by successions of Jean-Pierres and Antoinettes. Alf Inge Hardly!

In the school playgrounds he certainly had the “my great, great, great granddad is stronger than yours” card up his sleeve. Quantum leaping even further back in time would allow him to use the N word as freely as a Marcy rapper, late night neath the Eiffel Tower, balling so hard mofos can’t stand him.

[Sleaky72]

Revisionism? Hardly. A well worn topic of debate amongst Nordic historians. The distant relation to Rollo, King of Normandie has never been denounced. The “Vikingness” on the other hand, absolutely. Ethnoculturally, Billy the B*stard was/is French. Once upon a time the Normans were pure breeds, by Bill’s time the Viking blood was thoroughly diluted by successions of Jean-Pierres and Antoinettes. Alf Inge Hardly!

In the school playgrounds he certainly had the “my great, great, great granddad is stronger than yours” card up his sleeve. Quantum leaping even further back in time would allow him to use the N word as freely as a Marcy rapper, late night neath the Eiffel Tower, balling so hard mofos can’t stand him.

Coach please stop.
Rollo was baptized in France in the early 900s.
And by 1066 his offspring had already smoked the island to submission at Hastings.
What are you still arguing about my good man?
Again for the last time: The Vikings won!

[Coach]

How many pure breeds stand between Rollo and Billy the Conqueror? As the Great Malcolm X once said, albeit paraphrased, pour enough milk into the coffee and you’ll never know it was coffee in the first place.

French.

[Coach]

Can he do it on a blustery noon at the Palace of Oliver Cromwell Glasner. Selhurst Park. Saxondom.

[Coach]

Two Norseman in the lineup, 4 minutes in, already bloodied and bruised. T.I.E. This. Is. England.

[Coach]

The Norseman yet to touch the ball. No bother. Kevin Of Bruyne at the ready. Fodenesque. Double egg and beans for breakfast. Skyr? B*llocks to that. Even Billy had a croquet Monsieur.

[Coach]

1 vs 1. Mateta smashes it in.
1 vs 1. Norseman. Predictably missed. Much like Harry Halfbake at Stamford Bridge.

[Coach]

Gvardiol. Crikey. Shadow of his Bundesliga-self.

[Coach]

Gvardiol Cygan. Jeepers creepers. Absolute nightmare half.

[Coach]

And now a yellow. Goodness me. Erling Invisible must be delighted, takes the attention of his non-entity first half.

[Coach]

Gvardiol hooked at halftime. Far from impressed with anything he’s done this season. Complete Cygan. Akanji in. No hiding place for Erling Copperfield now.

[Scipio Africanus]

Skol!!