Cybereagles

Two Norseman in the lineup, 4 minutes in, already bloodied and bruised. T.I.E. This. Is. England.

Can he do it on a blustery noon at the Palace of Oliver Cromwell Glasner. Selhurst Park. Saxondom.

How many pure breeds stand between Rollo and Billy the Conqueror? As the Great Malcolm X once said, albeit paraphrased, pour enough milk into the coffee and you’ll never know it was coffee in the first place.

French.

United played the dying embers as if chasing the game despite their leading position. Bizarre. Bonkers. A bacon frazzling by Liverpool and Erik Ten Hagler will be Sugar Rayed out of there.

Revisionism? Hardly. A well worn topic of debate amongst Nordic historians. The distant relation to Rollo, King of Normandie has never been denounced. The “Vikingness” on the other hand, absolutely. Ethnoculturally, Billy the B*stard was/is French. Once upon a time the Normans were pure breeds, by B...

And all time spent was added on after 90 minutes. Complete and utter brainlessness.

William of Normandy was a distant relation of Rollo and hence can be traced to Vikingdom. How many generations had passed between the two? How diluted was the Viking bloodline? Billy was more French than anything else. If one is to play the distant ancestry card, then it could be argued, the most ra...

As for being the best ever after one season, the very same rhetoric has the five minute first timer, telling the deflowered Daisy beside him, “I’m the best you’ll ever have”. By the laws of the playground, absolutely. No further questions your Honour.

The Normans were a pick n mix of all sorts, Germanic barbarians, French, Dutch and once upon a time Vikings. Yes, the cocktail prevailed in 1066, bringing their genes to help our Suzy fill hers with curve and girth. And when our boys wanted our Britain back? Seven bells knocked out of those dozy mix...

Surely this has got to be a record for most penalties awarded and converted in a league season. Astonishing. 11, because Chelsea likes to pass and create chances in the 18. Chelsea just needs to buy new defenders, the likes of Badashille and Dsasi needs to go Both on contracts till the end of time....

Absolute insanity. Sunday league on a Thursday night. Laughable from both sides. The loudest laugh heard when one considers the fact that, somewhere amidst this gluttony of YouTube footballers and 1990s Neanderthal centrehalves, is the next generation of superstars. By Chelsea’s reckoning. If Tod ha...

Ten Hag, gone. 9 points adrift of Spurs, 11 from Villa. Surely UCL is as gone as Erik.

Surely this has got to be a record for most penalties awarded and converted in a league season. Astonishing.

100% Nicaraguan pure.

Disastersi and even Baddershile. Quite possibly the most ostentatiously assembled pair of uselessness in Premier League history. Utterly hopeless.

Hopeless.

Nowt but tomfoolery. The Nords were lured into a false sense of confidence. Given land to till with their superior farming skills, wenches to wife and sire six foot Britons henceforth. But when it mattered most, our Fred, Al-Fred, one of our own. T.I.E, This Is England, not Oslo you dozy Northern b*...

More flip flopping than a Havaianas superstore on a trampoline. Harrison Ogbunigwe, 30 goals at best on home soil, RAFing Bavaria like his grandfather did in ‘45. Bombs away! Easy peasy Champions Leaguey. Die Steiner? Smashed. El Paella? Battered. La Bolognesa? Pummelled. By who? From where? As it w...

No ‘wegian, no bother. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Phil Finidi Fiden.

Big Branth has many suitors, Isaking or not.

As expected. Should FIFA or UEFA show interest, the mood most certainly won’t be his namesake. If the Turkish FA are left to manage their own affairs, at worst he’ll be given a slap across the wrists by Gulan whilst being force-fed her Turkish delights. Plump and plentiful. As for Istanbul, key to t...

Alexander Isak. Viking.

Saka remains on pole. An off game or two is permissible. Palmer has had much the same if not more.