Stressed, feverish? Here are some tips to help the SE fan
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Stressed, feverish? Here are some tips to help the SE fan
How To Manage Stress
A good working definition of SE stress is:
"A gap between the expectations you put on the players and your perceived resources they have to meet those demands"
In other words, SE have let you down to many times but you still believe we will win. You're like the wife of a serial adulterer.
You can take measures to counteract stress at three levels, most of them surprising:
Don't manage the expectations, live in cuckoo land instead. For example, you could:
Tell you colleagues Nigeria has a great world cup record. This works especially well in England where they know no better
Start saying 'no' to any work at all and simply say "Nigeria is playing today" as if that is a good reason
'Downshift' to a less demanding job. Its worked for Yujam
Don't manage your time better; the time spent on CE is inversely proportional to your stress level but only up to a point. If you start refering to your colleagues as Ayo Akinfe when they talk gibberish, or if you starting saying "that a very good Dodo Mayana" to clever one liners, go for a long walk without any warm clothes.
Increase your resources : Build regular relaxation into your day. i.e. watch every soccer game you can find on cable, even if its Women's FA Cup first round
Cut down on caffeine - found in cola, tea, chocolate and especially (as you might expect) coffee. Caffeine mimics adrenaline and so will raise your background stress levels. For many people cutting down on coffee is all you need to do, and will bring an enormous return in reducing your stress levels for very little effort. Kola nuts on the other hand, while high in caffeine, also have a local ingredient that helps battle SE stress
Cut down on alcohol and cigarettes as well. There is however evidence to show that drugs clam people down. Omeyk, who basically lives on drugs alone, has been quite calm recently. Please note however, that these symptoms have also been observed inthe early stages of demensia.
Eat more healthily - lay off those sugary, fatty, salty 'trash energy' foods. Eat Yams, Akpu and Amala.
Learn new skills: What is your highest ever score in pacman? Try beating it today.
Change your perceptions. We're crap.
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Practical tips for dealing with panic attacks
These are great when the other team scored (I used these throughout the Denmark game in 98 and I've never been the same again):
1. Peripheral vision: Get as close as possible to the TV. Don't worry if it means your friends can't see the game. After a while the whole thing turns into a beautiful pixelated vision
2. Focus on your breathing. If you think you can hear your heart, call a cab to the hospital. You don't need to go, but all kinds of funny things happen in hospitals and it will take your mind of the SE
3. Centering. Think of the last time SE won the world cup. See how hard that is? Don't stop until it comes back to you.
4. Project an energy bubble. This means break everything within 10 feet of you. Women and Children are out of bounds, but males over 12 are fair game.
5. Float above yourself. If you shout at the top of your voice non-stop for 30 minutes, you'll find yourself floating. The fact that you'll be floating in the hands of people from the nearest mental institution should not bother you. It will certainly get you off your SE panic.
Finally, enjoy today while you can. Its not gonna last very long.
More articles about stress management here.
A good working definition of SE stress is:
"A gap between the expectations you put on the players and your perceived resources they have to meet those demands"
In other words, SE have let you down to many times but you still believe we will win. You're like the wife of a serial adulterer.
You can take measures to counteract stress at three levels, most of them surprising:
Don't manage the expectations, live in cuckoo land instead. For example, you could:
Tell you colleagues Nigeria has a great world cup record. This works especially well in England where they know no better
Start saying 'no' to any work at all and simply say "Nigeria is playing today" as if that is a good reason
'Downshift' to a less demanding job. Its worked for Yujam
Don't manage your time better; the time spent on CE is inversely proportional to your stress level but only up to a point. If you start refering to your colleagues as Ayo Akinfe when they talk gibberish, or if you starting saying "that a very good Dodo Mayana" to clever one liners, go for a long walk without any warm clothes.
Increase your resources : Build regular relaxation into your day. i.e. watch every soccer game you can find on cable, even if its Women's FA Cup first round
Cut down on caffeine - found in cola, tea, chocolate and especially (as you might expect) coffee. Caffeine mimics adrenaline and so will raise your background stress levels. For many people cutting down on coffee is all you need to do, and will bring an enormous return in reducing your stress levels for very little effort. Kola nuts on the other hand, while high in caffeine, also have a local ingredient that helps battle SE stress
Cut down on alcohol and cigarettes as well. There is however evidence to show that drugs clam people down. Omeyk, who basically lives on drugs alone, has been quite calm recently. Please note however, that these symptoms have also been observed inthe early stages of demensia.
Eat more healthily - lay off those sugary, fatty, salty 'trash energy' foods. Eat Yams, Akpu and Amala.
Learn new skills: What is your highest ever score in pacman? Try beating it today.
Change your perceptions. We're crap.
-----------------------------------
Practical tips for dealing with panic attacks
These are great when the other team scored (I used these throughout the Denmark game in 98 and I've never been the same again):
1. Peripheral vision: Get as close as possible to the TV. Don't worry if it means your friends can't see the game. After a while the whole thing turns into a beautiful pixelated vision
2. Focus on your breathing. If you think you can hear your heart, call a cab to the hospital. You don't need to go, but all kinds of funny things happen in hospitals and it will take your mind of the SE
3. Centering. Think of the last time SE won the world cup. See how hard that is? Don't stop until it comes back to you.
4. Project an energy bubble. This means break everything within 10 feet of you. Women and Children are out of bounds, but males over 12 are fair game.
5. Float above yourself. If you shout at the top of your voice non-stop for 30 minutes, you'll find yourself floating. The fact that you'll be floating in the hands of people from the nearest mental institution should not bother you. It will certainly get you off your SE panic.
Finally, enjoy today while you can. Its not gonna last very long.
More articles about stress management here.
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MY NAME IS WAKA-MAN, and YES, I AM A CHELSEA FAN. Please don't hate me - I was fan when David Ellery dashed Cantona two penalties as Man U beat us 4-0 in the FA Cup final. So I've paid my dues.
MY NAME IS WAKA-MAN, and YES, I AM A CHELSEA FAN. Please don't hate me - I was fan when David Ellery dashed Cantona two penalties as Man U beat us 4-0 in the FA Cup final. So I've paid my dues.