Erling Haaland

[Sleaky72]

Two words. Brammal Lane. Wet. Windy. Can he do it? Fewer touches an earthworm in a bowling alley. The big Viking being mauled and manhandled by Alfred’s men. Just like Ashdown 871. Battered.

Coach are ya taking a punt on the Yorkshire lads??

[Coach]

10 touches in 45 minutes, raggy dolled and thrown to the floor more than Koko B Ware at the Royal Rumble. Those 45 minutes weren’t so easy peasy minus Kevin the Cheat Code.

[Coach]

Gone in on a draw after the Wieghorsting from Oluwa 60 league goals.

Cheeky punt on a goal contribution for Doku. Huge odds.

[Coach]

62 minutes for the Viking to dock on the Sheffield Shores. New promoted. Not a Maldini in sight, nothing but Egans and Baldocks. Knows he been in a game. Dixie Dean, four hattricks vs the Blades. Google is your friend.

Google search: How many times did Dixie Dean score against Sheff Utd? Exactly.

[Coach]

Big Ollie Twenty tattoos McBurnie on. Now it’s interesting. Alfredson.

[Coach]

And there it is. Erling’s Wieghorsting just might give the Blades a point.

[Coach]

Rodri, once again, stepping up from defensive mid to spare the Wieghorstian frontline their blushes. More misses than Nairobi’s Akuku Danger.

[danfo driver]

What a waterloo! Another goal added towards the easy 60 goal mark. SMH weak league. is there anyone in this league that he cant score against? A guy who struggles against teams everywhere else, walking this league.

[danfo driver]

Rodri, once again, stepping up from defensive mid to spare the Wieghorstian frontline their blushes. More misses than Nairobi’s Akuku Danger.

You were celebrating, thinking it will be 1-1 abi? It hurt you deeply, didnt it?

[Coach]

Hardly. The Wieghorsting “might”….Google definition of “might”…the phantom of the Champions League final shanking shots left, right and centre. Big game Rodri, broad shoulders, man’s man…stood up and counted. Brammal Lane, Championship pedigree centrehalves hurling Erling to the floor. Standard. Yorkshire, soggy veg and huge puddings and that’s our Betty’s baps. Phwooooooaaaar!

Elsewhere, Harry slow starter, tearing the Bundes-easy peasy a brand new one. 3 in 2. Quids in Harrison out Haalands Haaland.

[danfo driver]

Brammall accrington stanley Brammall waterloo broad shoulders yorkshire brammall soggy vegetables Rye whitby colchester Brammall Abington Oxfordshire waterlooooooooooo

Overrated player who cannot do anything in Europe, never won the highest goal scorer anywhere, comes to EPL and dominates! destriys the league and is the top dog in their waterloooooooooo

[Coach]

UCL stats:
RB Salzburg 8 in 6
Dortmund 15 in 13

Easy peasy Champions Leaguey.

Bundesliga, just the 62 goals in 67 games. Titles won?

Uber easy-peasy Bundesligey heifen hoffen.

[danfo driver]

UCL stats:
RB Salzburg 8 in 6
Dortmund 15 in 13

Easy peasy Champions Leaguey.

Bundesliga, just the 62 goals in 67 games. Titles won?

Uber easy-peasy Bundesligey heifen hoffen.

Yet, he FAILED to win top scorer ever in his life, until he came to the Waterloo Easy Peasy Oxbury Ludlow Doncaster League! Like Yorkshire Pudding munching on the sherperds pie, there, he trounced them and won his first ever highest goal scorer award! Brammall fish and chips in the Yeovil Easy Peasy Waterloo OXfordshire!

[Coach]

Context dear Watson. EPL Champions. UCL Champions. Super Cup Champions. Likely to be World Club Champions. Supply line? Kevin Not De Pogba.

[danfo driver]

The context is in the pudding, Fagin. Molde, Salzburg, Dortmund! Always the top of the pie in their leagues! Fagin, dear 'ol Fagin, can Erling Twist really "want some more?" Just like City, the 3 peas in the pod of Norway, Austria and Germany provided the most of any supply line. However, like humpty dumpty, with all the kings men and all the kings horses at Molde, Salzburg and Dortmund, Erling wasnt ever able to put the highest goal scorer award together.

All hail the King... he arrived in Waterloo! Easy Peasy Oxbury! one, two, three and 60! The Yorkshire brammel bison, he matched and trounced the weak league! His first ever highest goal scorer award at first try! At second try? Leading the highest goal scorer again!

Brammall, I say! Yeovil Easy Peasy! Cambridge?? No! its a Waterloo of Accringtons!!

[Coach]

Google: in which continent is the UEFA Champions League?
The competition is open only to clubs based in European nations.

Google: How many goals has Haaland scored in the European Champions League?
35 goals in 30 games, rewriting the record books. At 22 years of age, Haaland is already 19th in the all time scorers list.

Google: define “has done nothing”.
You can use it when describing a lack of action.

For some, language is akin to the nephron, loop of Henle and distal convoluted tube, they end up taking the p*ss out of themselves. “Done nothing”. Evidently one can’t be bothered to research and fact check their own utterances. No further questions, no further replies.

Thank you and good night.

Annnnnnnnnnnd still undisputed…..

[danfo driver]

Mr. Bean oft crack the laughter of an audience in the yore. Not once did Mr. Bean crack an egg for the mix of Yorkshire pudding. Did Erling crack the highest goals scorer in any other European competition outside the oxfordshire in the stevenage? Just like Bolton, he was a wanderer across Norway and the lands of Edelweiss and Der Führer; but in the words of William Shakespear, "like a walking shadow, a poor player, [Erling] strutted and fretted his hour upon [those leagues]. And then, [he was] heard no more." Indeed, his time at Molde, Salzburg and Dortmund, was "a tale told by an 1d10t, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!"

Here he is, broad shouldered Yorkshire Wolf! Wandering pleat footed across the shepherds pie! Bellowing hot and loud, with so much venom! Brammall Brammall I say! Like the 3 little pigs, the EPL sits flat footed as Erling the Yorkshire Wolf huffed and puffed and blew the EPL highest goal scorer award away!!!

[Bigpokey24]

10 touches in 45 minutes, raggy dolled and thrown to the floor more than Koko B Ware at the Royal Rumble. Those 45 minutes weren’t so easy peasy minus Kevin the Cheat Code.

Best player in England, best player in Europe. Are you finally going to admit you've been wrong?

[wiseone]

Shots fired

[danfo driver]

What a waterloo... the Alphonso from Munchen speaketh against King Charles? Brammall Brammall broad shoulders! Oh! what an accrington stanley!

Shots fired

[Coach]

Playing for the Bayern of Britain, Erling can be expected to do Lewandowski things. (41 goals, 34 games). Sometimes it matters who one’s playing for. Other times, football’s stranger than fiction. Only a few month back, another Alphonso David was being reduced to popcorn and “gran nut” by Bernardo Bolt Silva. No one would’ve thought that possible.

[danfo driver]

Playing for the Bayern of Britain, Erling can be expected to do Lewandowski things. (41 goals, 34 games). Sometimes it matters who one’s playing for. Other times, football’s stranger than fiction. Only a few month back, another Alphonso David was being reduced to popcorn and “gran nut” by Bernardo Bolt Silva. No one would’ve thought that possible.

Gabby Jesus played for Bayern of Britain, did he do Lewandowsi thing? SOmetimes it matters who one's playing for? doesnt it? Other times, football's stranger than fiction. isnt it?

Please go and sitdown inside Brammal Brammal with your narrow shoulders

[Bigpokey24]